A while back, I wrote about Paul’s words in Romans 12:18:
“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”
The emphasis was on those five words:
As much as depends on you.
We cannot control what another person thinks, says, or does. We cannot control their attitude, motives, or response. We are responsible for our side of the encounter.
Saul’s hatred was Saul’s responsibility.
David’s response was David’s responsibility.
The greatest victory David won over Saul was not surviving Saul’s pursuit. It was refusing to become Saul in the process.
But lately, I have been reminded that Romans 12:18 applies to more than how I respond when someone hurts me. It also applies to how I speak when I believe I am right.
There was a time—not that long ago—when I considered bluntness a form of boldness.
I stood on biblical truth.
I said exactly what was on my mind.
And if someone became offended, I decided that was their problem.
After all, truth is truth.
But as Facebook Memories continues showing me things I wrote years ago, I sometimes recognize that although my conviction may have been right, my spirit was not always right.
I knew how to defend what I believed.
I had not yet learned that truth can be spoken without turning every disagreement into a battle.
Paul did not merely tell us to speak the truth. He told us how the truth should be spoken:
“but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—” ~Ephesians 4:15, NKJV~
Truth and love were never intended to be separated.
Truth without love can become a weapon. Love without truth can become empty sentiment. Biblical maturity requires both.
Paul carried that thought further in his letter to the Colossians:
“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” ~Colossians 4:6, NKJV~
Notice that Paul said our speech should always be with grace—not only when we agree, not only when the conversation is pleasant, and not only when the other person treats us graciously.
Grace should govern how we answer each one.
That does not mean we hide what we believe. It means our manner should not contradict the message we claim to defend.
Paul gave Timothy similar instruction:
“And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” ~2 Timothy 2:24–26, NKJV~
The goal of correction is not humiliation.
It is not scoring the decisive point, silencing an opponent, or receiving applause from those who already agree with us.
The goal is restoration.
Paul connected gentleness, patience, and humility directly to helping someone come to repentance and know the truth.
That means truth does not need my anger to make it true.
Biblical conviction does not excuse an unbiblical attitude.
And offending someone because the gospel confronts sin is not the same as offending someone because I was careless, harsh, sarcastic, or determined to win an argument.
“As much as depends on you” means I am responsible not only for what I say, but also for how I say it.
I cannot control whether someone accepts the truth. But I can make certain that my pride, anger, and self-righteousness are not the reasons they reject it.
That realization has changed what I choose to post.
The controversies consuming our attention today will eventually be replaced by different controversies. Political figures will come and go. Headlines will be forgotten. Arguments that seem enormously important today will one day become little more than entries in an archive.
But souls are eternal.
That does not mean temporal issues never matter. It means I no longer want the temporary to consume the voice God has given me for things that matter eternally.
I would rather write about redemption.
Grace.
Repentance.
Transformation.
Faith when God cannot be seen.
Hope for those who believe their story is already over.
And Jesus Christ—the only One who can truly change the human heart.
I still believe truth matters—perhaps more than ever.
But I am learning that speaking truth is not permission to abandon the fruit of the Spirit while doing it:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” ~Galatians 5:22–23, NKJV~
The fruit of the Spirit is not suspended when the conversation becomes difficult.
If my defense of truth requires me to abandon love, peace, kindness, gentleness, and self-control, something has gone wrong—not with the truth, but with the person carrying it.
Boldness without love can become cruelty.
Conviction without humility can become self-righteousness.
And winning an argument is not the same as reaching a soul.
Saul’s hatred was Saul’s responsibility.
David’s response was David’s responsibility.
Another person’s words are their responsibility.
My response—and the spirit in which I speak—is mine.
Whatever happens around me, my words, my attitude, and my witness remain my responsibility.
“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” ~Romans 12:18, NKJV~
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